I'm just throwing it out there that I have never cried over reading emails before, but today it's like a pipe broke! It won't stop! Thank you for your prayers and your love- I'm halfway across the world (from some of you anyways), but I can feel the strength from your faith:)
So last week I said it was rough, and it was. Sometimes I feel like being a missionary is a big mind game- "do this and this and this, and it will equal this". "Do this, and this will happen"...etc. I felt like I was doing all I could and still wasn't feeling what I wanted to be feeling.
But I'm ok now:) And it's because of my Savior. My favorite word in Tagalog, and one of the first ones I memorized was "Pagbabayad-Sala", which means The Atonement. The Savior is always the answer, with whatever struggles we're going through or things we want to change, HE, and only He, is the answer. Since last week (with the struggle I had after proselyting and everything and wanted to go home), I studied really hard all week. On Sunday, Sister Beck (the MTC president's wife), taught the lesson in Relief Society, and it seemed like everything she said was just for me. Before they retired her husband worked for the military and she menioned how hard it was to move around so much and how she struggled to find 'herself' again everytime they were in a new place. I realized that this wonderful lady who I look up to so, so, SO much struggles just like we all do, but through Christ she overcame it. I was reminded of Proverbs 31. All the young women should know this from Personal Progress, but it talks about what a woman of God should be like. I studied that a lot on Sunday, and felt so much better. I realized that I was so focused on WHAT I needed to do that I forgot that just as important is WHO I needed to be.
Wednesday we went out proselying again, and prayers were answered!!! We were teaching a lesson and suddenly I just felt an overwhelming sense of love for the people here in the Philippines and for missionary work! I go out to the field this Wednesday, and I'm so excited to go out and talk to all these people! The gospel is soo soo precious and so are all these people! I'm excited to share this joy with people and I have complete trust in my Savior that He will help me overcome any struggles I encounter out there.
In the temple today I also felt the Savior's love. I also realized that I'm kinda alone out here...that kind of just hit me, I don't know anyone! lol! BUT...I do know my Savior, and He knows me. I've been tying my foundation to good things, like the MTC and fellow missionaries and memories from home, but we all need to be securely anchored to the Savior first. I thought that thought of being competely alone except for Christ would be scary, but it's actually freeing and I feel so much closer to Him. I know everything will be ok:)
Thanks again for everything. Just in Christ, pray every day and pray sincerely, even if you haven't ever prayed before. I love you all so much! Like I said I'm heading out to the field this week, so my p-days (preparation days) will be changing to Mondays, but I don't think I'll be able to email till the week after next.
Sister Allen :)
(and sorry, but not sorry, about no photos again! Nothing new lol!)
Oh, and for the record, I got a sprained ankle in basketball this week! But it's all ok now lol! :)